Healthy Lifestyle Choices Do Make a Difference

No matter what life may throw at us, one of our best lines of defence is making healthy lifestyle choices. Those include consuming nutritional food and beverages, regular exercise, sufficient sleep, stress management and self-care. Vitamin/mineral supplements can also be beneficial in many cases but it is advisable to discuss anything of this nature with a physician in order to ensure that it is a safe choice in your unique case.

When it comes to making healthy lifestyle choices, they don’t need to be extreme in order to make a difference. Doing things in moderation is typically the way to go. It’s also quite possible to implement choices that are likeable and enjoyable. When we enjoy what we eat and the things that we do for our wellbeing, it makes the whole process of having and maintaining a healthy lifestyle much less complicated.

I’ll be the first person to say that it can be incredibly challenging to keep healthy lifestyle choices at the top of the priority list in cases of, say, dealing regularly with a narcissistically-inclined individual. When feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and lost, self-care may feel like it takes too much effort or that it’s a lost cause. However, now is EXACTLY the time that healthy lifestyle choices, especially self-care, can help us the most.

The bottom line is that choosing good options for ourselves when it comes to food, beverages, exercise, sleep, stress management and consistent self-care is one of the most positive and beneficial actions we can take, regardless of what is going on around us. These choices, no matter how small or simple we need for them to be at times, are the ones that will fuel our brains, mental wellbeing and bodies every day, which will, in turn, help to maintain the favorable momentum along with promoting and supporting long-term health and wellness.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Bring on 2021!!

Finally – 2020 is heading out!! Bring on the new year!!

Wishing you all the best in 2021!! New posts on the horizon. Feel free to send an email to naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com at any time. 🙂

Until next year (haha),

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Narcissists and accountability – like oil and water

Lack of accountability is a major element of narcissism. Why? Because being accountable, in the mind of the narcissist, is tantamount to being ‘wrong’ or ‘imperfect’, which would likely damage their fragile ego. As a result, accountability is not part of their vocabulary when it comes to themselves. Everyone around them, though, is required to be highly accountable for absolutely everything, including the mistakes of the narcissist.

If it isn’t positive, the narcissist wants NOTHING to do with it. Like oil and water, narcissists and accountability don’t mix. In their mind, any negative issue has to be attributable to someone else’s weakness, error or problem. As noted above, at its very root, accountability doesn’t work for narcissists because being ‘wrong’ in the eyes of others or themselves would be too damaging to the ego that they spend every waking moment trying to protect. This is one of the most basic foundations on which narcissism operates. They will deflect being accountable like it might mortally wound them if they don’t. They will outright lie, pass blame, make false accusations, throw a fit; whatever they need to do to push away accountability, they’re usually ready and willing to do so.

Keeping this in mind when dealing with someone you feel may be a narcissist is a very helpful tool. Once you’ve learned to see through all of the deflections and fabrications, you will notice that ego is virtually always behind lack of accountability for something that is clearly attributable to the individual in question. How or if we challenge them on it goes on a case-by-case basis, but ensuring that we don’t accept blame for actions that don’t belong to us helps to avoid future self-esteem issues.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Peace

Today and every day, no matter who you are, I wish you peace in your life. It’s worth its weight in gold.

So, if you’re dealing with narcissists over the holidays and stress is taking its toll, or you’re alone and feeling down, look for peace within yourself. That could mean deep breathing to relax your body and mind, taking a few moments to escape from someone who is causing drama, watching your favourite sitcom or movie, listening to (or playing some) music, taking your dog for a walk or hanging out with your cat. Whatever you need to do to simply relax and find some peace, go for it. Wellness (physical, mental, emotional) comes from within, and it typically grows together with peace, no matter how much or how little.

On this day, regardless of your surroundings, find your inner peace. It may be fleeting or you may be fortunate enough to hang onto it indefinitely, but the key is to find it in the first place and enjoy it while you can. And always remember, corny as it sounds, your life matters – you matter – so be kind to yourself.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, TGIF!!

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Dominoes of Dysfunction

One of the effects that narcissistic individuals tend to have on everyone around them is that their behaviour can have major impacts, typically in a negative way. I liken it to dominoes, where the narcissist’s negativity begins the process by pushing over the first domino in the line, which then bumps and knocks over the next domino, and so on and so forth until all of the dominoes have fallen. Picture the narcissist then smiling because they have controlled the game and ‘won’. All of the dominoes are down and the narcissistic individual stands victorious. Dominoes of dysfunction.

In real life, narcissists often have this type of impact on those around them. Their negativity, manipulation, use of triangulation, and often bad moods radiate out around them to one or more people (dominoes), sometimes unintentionally, but, more often than not, quite intentionally. Why? Because misery loves company. And the more people (dominoes) they can knock down (essentially bringing people down to make themselves feel ‘more than’), the better, as far as they’re concerned. If they can triangulate family members, friends, romantic partners or co-workers (see prior post on triangulation) to create issues between them (siblings triangulated by a parent, romantic partner and new interest, people within their social or employment group, etc.), it gives them the control that they need to manipulate people while still appearing to be the ‘good’ one. Domino after domino (person after person) falls while they stand back and smile at the chaos they’ve created. They might even jump in to reset the dominoes, just in case anyone were to get the idea that they had initiated the sequence of negative events, only to give them another push when they decide to make it happen again.

So, how do we protect ourselves from the narcissistic domino effect in reality? Either 1) defend yourself to the momentum of their negative forces by educating yourself about narcissistic behaviour, along with strengthening yourself with self-care and confidence while taking the power away from the negative behaviour with knowledge (in domino terms, place a gap between yourself and the domino in front of you so that you won’t be impacted, or brace yourself from falling if you’re the first domino in the line), or 2) remove yourself from the game entirely with the use of low contact or no contact (ie. take your domino out of the container and never put it back), if possible.

Once we have educated ourselves about narcissistic behaviour and have seen it for what it is – disordered, dysfunctional and damaged people with fragile egos who are hellbent on protecting their egos from anything and everything – it is possible to better deflect and cope with it. If you have the option of going low contact or no contact, you can then take the time to recover and clear your mind. It’s amazing how much our perception can change without the constant onslaught of drama, manipulation and negative, controlling interactions.

One way or another, we can remove ourselves from the domino effect by ensuring that we are braced and can’t be knocked down or simply by not playing the game.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Positive Self-talk (it really works)

Some of the more popular self-talk phrases have become somewhat cliched; nonetheless, they are still beneficial when it comes to talking to ourselves with positivity and encouragement. Belief in oneself is necessary for success. Unless or until we truly have faith in our abilities and positive traits, we can’t fully reach our goals and celebrate our accomplishments.

Many of us struggle with negative self-talk, a pattern we more than likely developed from a dysfunctional upbringing and/or experiences with narcissistic friends, teachers, colleagues or partners. When negativity and criticism are regularly tossed our way, it can become a challenge not to internalize it and have it become a part of how we see ourselves. But it doesn’t need to be this way.

Just as we fell into the pattern of choosing negative self-talk, we can do the same in the opposite direction. Even if you’ve had the great misfortune of never receiving a compliment from people you care about (generally happens with narcissists who always need to feel that they are the ‘best’ at the expense of everyone around them), you have the power to look at yourself from an encouraging, positive and kind standpoint. From that standpoint, try giving yourself credit for your unique talents, skills, accomplishments, personality traits and so on. Really own it. Flip the negativity on its head and focus on the positive. It’s free, simple and can change your entire outlook on yourself and the world around you. Perspective is a tool that is always at your disposal and you have the power to alter it at any given moment. Looking up at the possibilities rather than down on yourself is empowering and can have dramatic effects.

Making positive self-talk a daily habit is undoubtedly beneficial on a variety of levels. And sharing that positivity with others through compliments, encouragement and kindness will also bring with it even more positive feelings. So, cliched and simplistic as it may sound, believe in yourself, be kind to yourself and others, take care of yourself. Live your best life.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

The Path to Changing Unhealthy Habits and Behaviours

We all have at least one unhealthy habit or simply a behaviour we don’t particularly like. Might as well call it like it is…lol. But if/when we arrive at a point where we’ve had enough of it, what’s next? How do we rid ourselves of a habit or behaviour that we don’t want in our lives?

First of all, once we’re at the point of wanting to change or discontinue a habit, we’ve already recognized it as a habit/unwanted behaviour and that it’s something we want to adjust or eliminate. That right there is the basis of awareness and motivation, ready and waiting to take the next step. To add to that newfound motivation, consider making a list of all the positive reasons for wanting to make a change. Maybe the habit is expensive and you will now have more of the green stuff in your bank account. Perhaps the habit in question involves overindulging in something that could have negative consequences for your health and wellbeing or the health of the people around you. Maybe it’s something that is keeping you from socializing with friends and family.

Whatever your vice may be, if you’re aware of it, then you can change it if you want to. Can you do it alone? That depends on what the habit is. At times, a solo venture will be successful. Sometimes it’s best to enlist the help of a family member or good friend to assist in keeping you on track. Other times, a professional may be the best partner in making the transition away from one habit and moving towards something healthier.

We all have the power within us to change what doesn’t serve us well in our lives. Unhealthy habits are not life sentences unless we allow them to be. Picture what you want your life to look like and aim for that goal. Whether it’s baby steps or giant leaps or a combination of both on the journey, we need to believe in ourselves and our ability to choose our paths and reach our destinations.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Dealing with the realization that someone in your life has narcissistic tendencies

Realizing that someone in your life has narcissistic tendencies can be a lot to process. There could be a multitude of happenings that led you to this place. It’s typically quite different for each individual. One way or the other, here you are. So, the next thought on your mind may be figuring out how to cope with this new reality.

It’s likely that you’re feeling a mixture of emotions ranging from anger to disbelief to loss to disappointment to confusion to sadness to fear and so on. You might feel like your world has been turned upside-down without any warning. Depending on who the person is (for example, a romantic relationship), you may be concerned about the future and whether you will have one with them. If the person is an immediate family member, possibly a parent, your entire life may now feel like one big question mark. You may be questioning your belief systems and the very foundations of your life within your family of origin. Or friendships, work relationships and a variety of other circumstances could be where this newly-recognized dynamic exists. No matter what, though, there will be challenges involved for you.

This is one of those times that self-care will be a great benefit for you. Take as much time as you need to thoroughly process the situation. If necessary, find someone that you trust to discuss this with. Sometimes just saying it out loud can help with processing. In the event that you don’t feel you can share this with anyone, consider journaling. Some people find that writing down their thoughts can be just as beneficial as saying them out loud. You can always burn the paper afterwards if you want. Online forums and support groups also exist for exactly these circumstances. It goes without saying that others who are going through the same types of experiences can be a great support system and resource.

One of the best things you can do for yourself, though, is to take the time to process the situation. Trying to take the emotion out of the mix and look at the facts can also be very helpful. Once you have accepted things as they are, the next step will be to decide what to do about it, if anything. I’ll make that the topic of a future post. Just remember that this isn’t the end of the world. Take a deep breath and know that you can handle anything life has to throw at you. We all have strength within us. Sometimes we have to dig deep for it, but it’s definitely there.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

What’s the best thing to do when a narcissist launches a smear campaign against you?

For anyone who has had to deal with a narcissist, you will likely have discovered that they are masterful with smear campaigns when they turn on you. They will tell lies about you to anyone who will listen in an attempt to discredit you and make themselves out to be the innocent victim of your alleged horrific behaviour. Without a doubt, this is a difficult position in which to find yourself. A common knee-jerk reaction tends to be a strong need to clear your name, explain that you haven’t done anything to the complainant, and keep your reputation intact without losing friends or, even worse, family members.

In my experience, the very best response is silence, unless absolutely necessary. The narcissist wants to see you trying to defend yourself so that they can further their case against you. They’ll tell everyone that you’re lying and will put even more effort into playing the victim while attempting to discredit you in an attempt to alienate you from as many people as possible. If you can, don’t respond. Silence is golden.

I once knew a narcissist who tried to destroy me on every level simply because she wanted the small business that I had created. It was a challenging experience that she tried to drag on for quite some time. I learned early in the situation to stay in my lane and quietly wait for people to start catching on to her. It didn’t take long before her lies and extremely toxic behaviour began to garner attention. Soon, she did not have many supporters because they began to see through her routine. Eventually she moved on to other targets but with each attack she launched, more people (flying monkeys) jumped ship. Has she learned anything from these experiences? If she has, it isn’t apparent. In fact, I have heard that her most current campaign is against someone who recently passed away! Their hatred knows no bounds. She continues with the same false stories, looking for sympathy and to damage others; it’s just that no one pays any attention to her now (unless they’re a new pawn in her life). Sadly, it’s rare for narcissists to change. If nothing else, and with a strong awareness of the damage and pain they cause other people, I feel sorry for these disordered individuals. What a way to go through life.

So, in my mind, the best response to a smear campaign is no response, unless it is a case where it is absolutely necessary to do so. Enjoy your life while they do their thing. Picture them as a little narcissistic tornado trapped in a lidded mason jar, spinning angrily with no particular direction. Contained, powerless, wasting energy with the endless swirling vortex of their own unhappiness and need to manipulate and control everything around them. Take that imaginary jar and set it somewhere that you never have to look at it. Then breathe a few deep breaths and move on.

Until next time,

Heather

http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

How being raised by a narcissistic parent or role model can color every future relationship

If you grew up with a narcissistic parent or role model, that experience has the potential to cause issues for you in other relationships.

First of all, you may be strongly drawn to other narcissistic people in both friendships and romantic relationships. The dysfunctional dynamic in which you were raised and that you view as ‘normal’, feels familiar and comfortable. Unless someone (an “outsider”) has pointed out the disordered family environment for what it is, you will tend to believe that everything is as it should be, so why would you do anything but extend that into other parts of your life? We all try to do our best with the information we have at the time. Once you know better, you have the opportunity to do better. But, in the meantime, there is a huge vulnerability for ending up with more narcissists and their abusive behaviour. It’s a vicious cycle.

Once in another narcissistic dynamic, those feelings of familiarity and comfort strongly indicate that, based on a childhood filled with narcissism that you don’t yet understand, this is exactly where you belong. This individual treats me like my (fill in the blank) has treated me all my life. Logic follows that if someone who supposedly loves me treated me that way, and this new person is treating me the same way, it must be fine. Add in the typical low self-esteem and self-doubt that tend to go along with being mistreated for years, and you have the perfect storm for more negativity and abuse.

There are many other ways that narcissistic abuse can color your future relationships, and I will touch on those in an upcoming post.

Without a doubt, there is so much hope for anyone who has experienced this type of dysfunction in their life. You can and will find peace, identity, confidence, self-esteem, happiness, self-love, improved self-care, security and strength. And there are support systems available, like Natural Clarity Coaching, for example, whose focus is to be there as you make your way to a healthier mindset and greater wellbeing. Just as the tree in the image below has grown up and around the hydro lines, even taking on the fence in the process, so, too, do we have the ability to triumph over adversity.

Tree growing around hydro lines in order to thrive

Until next time,

Heather

http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter