You can find us at https://naturalclaritycoaching.com as of February 2021

Our website is officially https://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com as of February 2021. Check it out!!

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~

Healthy Lifestyle Choices Do Make a Difference

No matter what life may throw at us, one of our best lines of defence is making healthy lifestyle choices. Those include consuming nutritional food and beverages, regular exercise, sufficient sleep, stress management and self-care. Vitamin/mineral supplements can also be beneficial in many cases but it is advisable to discuss anything of this nature with a physician in order to ensure that it is a safe choice in your unique case.

When it comes to making healthy lifestyle choices, they don’t need to be extreme in order to make a difference. Doing things in moderation is typically the way to go. It’s also quite possible to implement choices that are likeable and enjoyable. When we enjoy what we eat and the things that we do for our wellbeing, it makes the whole process of having and maintaining a healthy lifestyle much less complicated.

I’ll be the first person to say that it can be incredibly challenging to keep healthy lifestyle choices at the top of the priority list in cases of, say, dealing regularly with a narcissistically-inclined individual. When feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and lost, self-care may feel like it takes too much effort or that it’s a lost cause. However, now is EXACTLY the time that healthy lifestyle choices, especially self-care, can help us the most.

The bottom line is that choosing good options for ourselves when it comes to food, beverages, exercise, sleep, stress management and consistent self-care is one of the most positive and beneficial actions we can take, regardless of what is going on around us. These choices, no matter how small or simple we need for them to be at times, are the ones that will fuel our brains, mental wellbeing and bodies every day, which will, in turn, help to maintain the favorable momentum along with promoting and supporting long-term health and wellness.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Perimenopause – something that isn’t truly talked about enough

Okay. So, perimenopause is a subject that many people are unaware of and yet it is something that affects every woman. It is defined as the transition to menopause at the end of the reproductive years and literally means “around menopause”. This phase can begin as early as 35 and end (without a period for 12 months) as late as 59. The female body begins to make less and less of the hormones estrogen and progesterone, which control menstruation, and this time is considered to be perimenopause.

With perimenopause comes a variety of symptoms of varying levels of severity, and every individual has their own unique experiences with it. In fact, some (lucky) women can breeze through this transition with few symptoms. However, most women don’t escape from more severe symptoms at some point. These can include: period changes (time between cycles, length of periods, type of flow, irregular bleeding between periods, etc.), fibroids, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, sleep issues, mood changes, bone loss, forgetfulness (mind fog), and so on.

As mentioned, at the very root of perimenopause issues are hormone issues. For example, when progesterone levels dip, it is no longer in balance with estrogen, which can lead to estrogen dominance and a host of problems such as a decrease in sex drive, an increase in PMS symptoms, irregular periods, depression and anxiety, mood swings, headaches/migraines, hot flashes, tender breasts, bloating, weight gain, hair loss, growth of facial hair, insomnia, fatigue, concentration issues, etc. High estrogen can eventually lead to the development of fibroids, endometriosis, hypothyroidism and breast cancer, to name a few. Therefore, an important step is to try to get those hormones back into balance. First of all, if you are experiencing symptoms of perimenopause, speak with your healthcare specialist first and foremost. They can take steps to ensure that nothing else in need of attention is taking place and to run any tests corresponding to perimenopause issues (tests to determine hormone levels and other related items, PAP smears, pelvic scans, biopsies, etc.). Also, the condition of adrenal fatigue can create further imbalances so it is worth ruling out as well. Most of these peri symptoms will disappear once a woman officially enters menopause; however, there is no point to needlessly suffer in the meantime.

There are a variety of treatment options available: changes in diet and lifestyle, weight loss, exercise, managing stress, hormone replacement therapy (synthetic and bioidentical), herbs such as Vitex, vitamin and mineral supplements. Even something as simple as getting enough sleep can make a positive difference. Again, it’s best to discuss any plans you intend to implement in your life with your healthcare provider prior to moving forward with them. Vitamins, minerals, herbs – many have the capacity to interfere with both over-the-counter and prescription medications. Vitamin/mineral toxicity is also a potential hazard if too much is consumed.

There are absolutely endless resources available to read and watch once you know what to search for. Education is key. Once an understanding is reached, the issue at hand can be met head-on with confidence and (hopefully) less fear. There are also some great support groups online. There’s no doubt that knowing you aren’t alone is extremely beneficial.

So, if you’re a woman who is suddenly experiencing negative changes in yourself on any level (physical, mental, emotional) and you’re between the age of 35 and 59, perimenopause may be the culprit. Again, at its root, it is caused by hormonal imbalance. It is entirely possible to reestablish balance and, in many cases, lessen or eradicate the unwanted symptoms. Ask questions, be informed, take steps to ensure that your quality of life and wellness remain intact while you journey through perimenopause. You’ve got this!!

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Bring on 2021!!

Finally – 2020 is heading out!! Bring on the new year!!

Wishing you all the best in 2021!! New posts on the horizon. Feel free to send an email to naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com at any time. 🙂

Until next year (haha),

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Narcissists and accountability – like oil and water

Lack of accountability is a major element of narcissism. Why? Because being accountable, in the mind of the narcissist, is tantamount to being ‘wrong’ or ‘imperfect’, which would likely damage their fragile ego. As a result, accountability is not part of their vocabulary when it comes to themselves. Everyone around them, though, is required to be highly accountable for absolutely everything, including the mistakes of the narcissist.

If it isn’t positive, the narcissist wants NOTHING to do with it. Like oil and water, narcissists and accountability don’t mix. In their mind, any negative issue has to be attributable to someone else’s weakness, error or problem. As noted above, at its very root, accountability doesn’t work for narcissists because being ‘wrong’ in the eyes of others or themselves would be too damaging to the ego that they spend every waking moment trying to protect. This is one of the most basic foundations on which narcissism operates. They will deflect being accountable like it might mortally wound them if they don’t. They will outright lie, pass blame, make false accusations, throw a fit; whatever they need to do to push away accountability, they’re usually ready and willing to do so.

Keeping this in mind when dealing with someone you feel may be a narcissist is a very helpful tool. Once you’ve learned to see through all of the deflections and fabrications, you will notice that ego is virtually always behind lack of accountability for something that is clearly attributable to the individual in question. How or if we challenge them on it goes on a case-by-case basis, but ensuring that we don’t accept blame for actions that don’t belong to us helps to avoid future self-esteem issues.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Peace

Today and every day, no matter who you are, I wish you peace in your life. It’s worth its weight in gold.

So, if you’re dealing with narcissists over the holidays and stress is taking its toll, or you’re alone and feeling down, look for peace within yourself. That could mean deep breathing to relax your body and mind, taking a few moments to escape from someone who is causing drama, watching your favourite sitcom or movie, listening to (or playing some) music, taking your dog for a walk or hanging out with your cat. Whatever you need to do to simply relax and find some peace, go for it. Wellness (physical, mental, emotional) comes from within, and it typically grows together with peace, no matter how much or how little.

On this day, regardless of your surroundings, find your inner peace. It may be fleeting or you may be fortunate enough to hang onto it indefinitely, but the key is to find it in the first place and enjoy it while you can. And always remember, corny as it sounds, your life matters – you matter – so be kind to yourself.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, TGIF!!

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Dominoes of Dysfunction

One of the effects that narcissistic individuals tend to have on everyone around them is that their behaviour can have major impacts, typically in a negative way. I liken it to dominoes, where the narcissist’s negativity begins the process by pushing over the first domino in the line, which then bumps and knocks over the next domino, and so on and so forth until all of the dominoes have fallen. Picture the narcissist then smiling because they have controlled the game and ‘won’. All of the dominoes are down and the narcissistic individual stands victorious. Dominoes of dysfunction.

In real life, narcissists often have this type of impact on those around them. Their negativity, manipulation, use of triangulation, and often bad moods radiate out around them to one or more people (dominoes), sometimes unintentionally, but, more often than not, quite intentionally. Why? Because misery loves company. And the more people (dominoes) they can knock down (essentially bringing people down to make themselves feel ‘more than’), the better, as far as they’re concerned. If they can triangulate family members, friends, romantic partners or co-workers (see prior post on triangulation) to create issues between them (siblings triangulated by a parent, romantic partner and new interest, people within their social or employment group, etc.), it gives them the control that they need to manipulate people while still appearing to be the ‘good’ one. Domino after domino (person after person) falls while they stand back and smile at the chaos they’ve created. They might even jump in to reset the dominoes, just in case anyone were to get the idea that they had initiated the sequence of negative events, only to give them another push when they decide to make it happen again.

So, how do we protect ourselves from the narcissistic domino effect in reality? Either 1) defend yourself to the momentum of their negative forces by educating yourself about narcissistic behaviour, along with strengthening yourself with self-care and confidence while taking the power away from the negative behaviour with knowledge (in domino terms, place a gap between yourself and the domino in front of you so that you won’t be impacted, or brace yourself from falling if you’re the first domino in the line), or 2) remove yourself from the game entirely with the use of low contact or no contact (ie. take your domino out of the container and never put it back), if possible.

Once we have educated ourselves about narcissistic behaviour and have seen it for what it is – disordered, dysfunctional and damaged people with fragile egos who are hellbent on protecting their egos from anything and everything – it is possible to better deflect and cope with it. If you have the option of going low contact or no contact, you can then take the time to recover and clear your mind. It’s amazing how much our perception can change without the constant onslaught of drama, manipulation and negative, controlling interactions.

One way or another, we can remove ourselves from the domino effect by ensuring that we are braced and can’t be knocked down or simply by not playing the game.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Positive Self-talk (it really works)

Some of the more popular self-talk phrases have become somewhat cliched; nonetheless, they are still beneficial when it comes to talking to ourselves with positivity and encouragement. Belief in oneself is necessary for success. Unless or until we truly have faith in our abilities and positive traits, we can’t fully reach our goals and celebrate our accomplishments.

Many of us struggle with negative self-talk, a pattern we more than likely developed from a dysfunctional upbringing and/or experiences with narcissistic friends, teachers, colleagues or partners. When negativity and criticism are regularly tossed our way, it can become a challenge not to internalize it and have it become a part of how we see ourselves. But it doesn’t need to be this way.

Just as we fell into the pattern of choosing negative self-talk, we can do the same in the opposite direction. Even if you’ve had the great misfortune of never receiving a compliment from people you care about (generally happens with narcissists who always need to feel that they are the ‘best’ at the expense of everyone around them), you have the power to look at yourself from an encouraging, positive and kind standpoint. From that standpoint, try giving yourself credit for your unique talents, skills, accomplishments, personality traits and so on. Really own it. Flip the negativity on its head and focus on the positive. It’s free, simple and can change your entire outlook on yourself and the world around you. Perspective is a tool that is always at your disposal and you have the power to alter it at any given moment. Looking up at the possibilities rather than down on yourself is empowering and can have dramatic effects.

Making positive self-talk a daily habit is undoubtedly beneficial on a variety of levels. And sharing that positivity with others through compliments, encouragement and kindness will also bring with it even more positive feelings. So, cliched and simplistic as it may sound, believe in yourself, be kind to yourself and others, take care of yourself. Live your best life.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Triangulation – a tactic often used by narcissists

Triangulation is an all-time favourite tactic of many people with narcissistic tendencies. Divide and conquer. Control and manipulate for the benefit of ego. Simple yet effective.

In the family environment, a narcissist will often take the positive and negative parts of their own self-image and project them onto their children. If there are two siblings, one will become the golden child and will have all of the positive traits piled onto them. No matter what they do, they can do no wrong in the eyes of the dysfunctional parent. As for the negative traits, they will be bestowed upon the scapegoat child, who will be viewed as doing everything wrong no matter how hard they try. In a family with only one child, the narcissistic parent may at times go back and forth between the positive and negative as it is placed on this individual. Or the child may always be either all good or all bad. Where more than two children are part of the family, these dynamics can stretch to all of them at times. Going back to the case of two siblings, the narcissistic parent will regularly compare the two children and play them against each other, touting the virtues of the golden child while heavily criticizing the scapegoat child. Many times, the siblings will end up disliking one another because they are constantly being compared. In the end, what the parent wants is the drama and attention. The golden child will adore them for always giving unending amounts of praise, while the scapegoated child will likely spend much time trying to please the parent to no avail. The narcissist controls the entire narrative with manipulation. Trusting that their parent would never do them harm and that this is ‘normal’ behaviour within a family, along with being too afraid to discuss it if they did indeed notice it, the children are typically unaware of what is truly happening. This does much damage to relationships and the wellbeing of the entire family. There are also cases where the narcissist will triangulate a child with the other parent or extended family members.

This dynamic also often plays out in romantic relationships. A narcissistic partner will suddenly begin to overtly show interest in another person and will subtly (or sometimes not-so-subtly) compare their current partner with the outsider. This leads to insecurities for the partner. The narcissist will also do the same to the new person but typically on the basis of complaining about how terrible their current partner treats them, etc., leaving them feeling as though they need to fight for the narcissist and save them from the clutches of this cruel abuser. This is also an easy way for the narcissist to send messages to one person through another, without directly addressing the first person. For example, the new person may send a cruel text to the current partner, telling them something unkind (which is based on lies that they are oblivious to), while thinking that they’re defending the narcissist (who is portraying themselves as a hapless victim) against damage. These two people, the current and new partners, will generally have little or no contact with one another (often complete strangers), which leaves the situation entirely in the control of the narcissist. Why would someone do this? It gives them power, control, drama, and the attention they seek to feed their fragile ego. Eventually, they will tire of the game and will then typically discard one of the love interests. Whoever ‘wins’ the prize of the narcissist will no doubt be drawn into future triangulations, maybe even being discarded at some point. It’s a never-ending cycle. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies are never content and are always looking for whatever or whoever they think will better suit their needs.

Narcissists will use triangulation in a variety of situations (school, workplace, social groups, etc.) but the above scenarios are the most common. This tactic allows them to manipulate and control others for the benefit of their own dysfunction and ego. Does a narcissist realize what they are doing? Possibly. But in the end, it serves to fulfill their strong and constant need for ego-stroking and drama, which is most important to them. They can callously turn two people against one another while drawing what they feel is much-needed attention for themselves in order to feed and protect their sensitive ego.

If you find yourself being triangulated, the best course of action is to remove yourself from it in any way possible and remind yourself that none of it is truly about you. No one needs to be a pawn in a disordered person’s twisted games. The potential consequences are too severe – self-esteem issues, eventual trauma, broken relationships, trust issues and so on. When we refuse to play the game, we are protecting ourselves from harm. No matter what message a manipulative person may try to convey to you, no one deserves to be the victim of triangulation.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

The Path to Changing Unhealthy Habits and Behaviours

We all have at least one unhealthy habit or simply a behaviour we don’t particularly like. Might as well call it like it is…lol. But if/when we arrive at a point where we’ve had enough of it, what’s next? How do we rid ourselves of a habit or behaviour that we don’t want in our lives?

First of all, once we’re at the point of wanting to change or discontinue a habit, we’ve already recognized it as a habit/unwanted behaviour and that it’s something we want to adjust or eliminate. That right there is the basis of awareness and motivation, ready and waiting to take the next step. To add to that newfound motivation, consider making a list of all the positive reasons for wanting to make a change. Maybe the habit is expensive and you will now have more of the green stuff in your bank account. Perhaps the habit in question involves overindulging in something that could have negative consequences for your health and wellbeing or the health of the people around you. Maybe it’s something that is keeping you from socializing with friends and family.

Whatever your vice may be, if you’re aware of it, then you can change it if you want to. Can you do it alone? That depends on what the habit is. At times, a solo venture will be successful. Sometimes it’s best to enlist the help of a family member or good friend to assist in keeping you on track. Other times, a professional may be the best partner in making the transition away from one habit and moving towards something healthier.

We all have the power within us to change what doesn’t serve us well in our lives. Unhealthy habits are not life sentences unless we allow them to be. Picture what you want your life to look like and aim for that goal. Whether it’s baby steps or giant leaps or a combination of both on the journey, we need to believe in ourselves and our ability to choose our paths and reach our destinations.

Until next time,

Heather ~Natural Clarity Coaching~ http://www.naturalclaritycoaching.com naturalclaritycoaching@gmail.com Natural Clarity Coaching on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.